We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize