im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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