I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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