Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
