he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
