Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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