My room smells like vodka and shame
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
