How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You've changed since you got that strap on
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
