Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
