Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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