I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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