You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
