If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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