Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
