Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
