mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
