If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
