Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
