I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
