What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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