And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
