dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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