The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
