did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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