I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
