I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
