the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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