We're like a lot better than the average bears
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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