Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
