It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
