Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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