I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
