i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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