I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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