You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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