I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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