WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
