You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
