Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
