And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
