I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
