Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
