I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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