Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
