he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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