After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
