So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
