He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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