Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
