I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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